she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
