The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
