I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
