3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Randomize
