Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
