nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
