Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
