someone get that fucking seahorse.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
