he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
