The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Randomize
