I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The beers last night were like the tears from god
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
