There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
