Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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