Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
