I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
