Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
