I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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