areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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