Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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