I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
