so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
what day is it and did you see me today?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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