I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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