at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
