i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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