took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
