so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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