sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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