I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
