There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
