You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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