you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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