so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
