You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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