just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
