I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
