She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
