She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
