Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
