some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
