i permit you to call me
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
