i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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