i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
