my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
