Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
