Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
