Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
