Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
