Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
