im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
