I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
