he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
