I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
