DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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