sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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