Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
