There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
