your parents love me but you hate me
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
