I'm going to rape someone's good day.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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