I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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