you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
