if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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