I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
