My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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