Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
