East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
