So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
And then he peed in my hair
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
