i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
