Me. At least after what I've been through.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
