dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
