i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
