I wish I could punch you in the face.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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