i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize