So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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