I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
