yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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