Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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