I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
