I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
