Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
